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Roll 2 Dodge
"In the distant star system of '''Alko'halix', a system far from Jin'rall Deschosh-1 and quite possibly the known universe, several factions vie for total control, their destinies controlled by only the Dice of Power! Their power decides whether a player gains the upper hand, or falls to an ill-fated dice roll. It is your power to choose*...'' " *Kind of. Some restrictions may apply. Results may vary between dice rolls. Side Effects may include: Addiction, Rolling to determine success in day to day life, Chronic D&D Syndrome, Failing Spotchecks, Explosive Head Trauma, Removal from Time and Space, Tantrums because you lost both GODLIKE!!! and your entire army... Roll 2 Dodge is a staple of Joeyray's Bar, considered to be a hilarious classic. It is a text-based, dice rolling, chaotic game/RPG/Take-over-the-world-in-a-roll-or-lose-everything. The original game thread was created by MrRandom, then taken over (Mostly) by KnarledOne. This is your wall of text warning. R2D has a very rich and long history. Rules As of the latest thread: A Player will make an attempt to do something, for example, make a bowl of soup. A member of the Celestial Court will roll a die to determine if that action will succeed. Getting certain rolls will inflict certain Modifiers on you. All players will start out Fine, but that rank can be changed depending on dice rolls. If they are raised above, they will lose one rank per turn. If below, action will be required to raise it once more. If someone makes a direct attempt to do something to you, you will have to Roll 2 Dodge! '''to determine how much damage you suffer. In any case of a '''Roll 2 Dodge!, the designated roller will have to use the CINEMATIC MODE!!! '''to describe the battle and losses incurred. The rolling of the '''Dice of Power '''is handled exclusively by the '''Celestial Court, '''presently a trio with a single tentative member... ''THEY ARE'': ''Zanon, The Emperor'' ''KnarledOne, The Knarled Lord'' ''Animus, The Immortal'' and... ''Shadowfury, The Guy who Forgot He Applied!'' Each member may use a differing variant of the rules, but the core tenets remain the same. Additionally, in the highly improbable event that ''The Very God of Roll 2 Dodge Himself, MrRandom'', ever returns, it is assumed he would have full dice rolling capabilities as well. If you feel you've been wronged or wish to appeal your '''Exiled '''status, you may make your plea to the '''Celestial Court. '''They may agree and side with you. They may not. That may or may not be determined by a dice roll, too. Any '''Player '''can apply for being a member of the '''Celestial Court for a chance at rolling the Dice of Power, but the decision is up to the Celestial Court through their lengthy reviewing process that may or may not include rolling the dice... Pre-Modern Roll 2 Dodge Not much is known from the pre-modern period of Roll 2 Dodge. What is known has been discovered recently by a team of brave archaeologists who ventured to The Great Forum on the planet of Djo'e-Rais. '''In their ventures, they discovered a series of records detailing early rulesets, attempts, rolls, and players. Included, of course, was the very first ruleset crafted by ''MrRandom'' to serve as the law of 'Roll 2 Dodge. ' However, tragedy struck as one archaeologist destroyed all but a handful of the documents in a fit of laziness. The surviving records were smuggled away by the others, and included a handful of documentation detailing several early '''Players, '''which is detailed here, and the original ruleset, which has been archived for safety purposes. Of course, the below records only contain what we were able to decipher of the ancient text. The Records of the Knarled One '''DoomerX - What can be deciphered of this record is that this Player had an appreciation for Bagels and became quite wealthy at the time of the original writing. Smylez - The Aspect of Absurdity was not aware of his allergy to Cream Cheese. Smylez seems to have had many practical applications for Lemon Juice and knew of the signs when someone cannot hold onto Stolen Dice. Additionally, though, he did not fare well in many calculations. According to the record, he was either Exiled or Killed, but returned. DarkZelot - This Player evidently attempted to set fire to the Sun. It would seem like enough was said there, but it is written that he was not very good with dictionaries either and loyal to the Zerg Swarm '''but not particularly useful. '''Owlfeathers - The Sentry appears to have been hated by Probes, but also a rather skilled thief. Interestingly, he was skilled in space/time manipulation as well. The record states he was easily provoked but could easily back up such provocations with rather impressive swordsmanship.. Zarkun - The Gunslinger of the present found himself to be a wannabe cloner in the past. At one point, he made an attempt to control the Zerg Swarm, and something which may be Cerberus or Cerebrates, though neither attempt succeeded. Despite this, he benefited from Smylez' misfortune for a short time. In the end, however, he found himself logicked out of existence, possibly in Exile or Death. DacderOvilor - This Player became The King of France. That's right, you heard me. He lost to the British, but France never did fare well against England. However, it is said that he defeated the Protoss easily, despite their eventual revenge. Laughup - A Player who became the Admiral of the Golden Armada. Retreated from some kind of French Paradox? The records are a bit difficult here. He returned later to make some French Fries. It is not known whether it was of the French or simply potatoes. Zanon - The Emperor '''of the present times appears to have always been such. During these times, his extensive connections were used to spread tidings of '''DOOM to others, even though they did not care to listen often. CrymsonRaven - A Player who attempted interplanetary domination, but it is indecipherable whether or not he succeeded. Later, though, he was Killed by a shot from Zarkun. Later still, it mentions that he possessed a girl with some kind of French habits. The Modern Period: Redux and Onward Animus has crossed a bridge safely. The gargoyles on the bridge gave him adulations until Animus asked them to join him. The gargoyles spat profanities instead. Furious, Animus gave them the finger, disintegrating them on the spot and continued his way to Castle Black where upon he discovers the Apple. Upon touching the Apple, it turns out to be Anthogyna, goddess of Nature and keeper of the Tree of Life. Accepting her hand in marriage, Animus is soon smothered to death. Not soon after his death, Anthogyna is killed after using up her life force in an unsuccessful bid to restore Animus. Left with 3 seeds of life, Animus gives one to Charon to gain passage through Styx. He meets Judge Oshae and weighs his heart on a scale. KnarledOne has managed to turn a derelict town into a bustling metropolis in a very short time span. Quoting Cato the Elder, he become a Senator for the Motherland. However the real Cato appears in his ghostly form but is soundly defeated. After several mishaps and successes on the election vs Thunderbama, he has become Our Most Benevolent Undying God, Cato the Elder, ruler of Djo'e-Rais. Warhawk signed up for Computer Coddling Class. He became Thunderbamacare's head computer coddler and appointed to a position on the Worldwide Computer Coddling Board. He mastered actual computer coding in his free time and is in a position to use these two skill sets to create something awesome. CrymsonRaven blew up the UBD's shipyard where battlecruisers are made. Then he covered it up successfully (and rebuilt it in the process). Creating a ship that rivals that of Aiur's Kitchen, it self destructed when the Oleaginous Hemispingus construct installed on the maiden ship was searching for a successor persona. Wandering aimlessly through the streets, he was dragged off and shipped offworld into a salt mine as a slave. At the salt mines, he instigated a successful revolt. With his engineering degree, he opened a portal within the mines as a way to move supplies in and out. An eldtrich horror appeared at first but it was successfully captured and bribed with cheese. He found the most fertile lands in existence with his portal machine and though he managed to get lava flooded on the lower levels of the mines, they became a source of geothermal energy. He then resurrected Shadowfury from exiled but got only a feral dog that did its own thing. When nature started dying, CrymsonRaven attempted to grow food. For his efforts, he was poisoned by his own work and died. Upon reaching the underworld, he attempted to bribe Judge Oshae who promptly weighed his eye on the scale. It was heavier than the feather. For his sins, CrymsonRaven was exiled to the abyss, waiting for someone to summon him. Jester tried to sabotage the shipyard. He ended up in a wormhole instead. He briefly King/Lord/God of the underworld but that was a brief moment. Tampering too much in portal, he ended up in the same wormhole he was stuck at, dying. The Reaper showed up and offered to save him if he told the World's Funniest Multiverse Joke. "Who's the best at rebuilding civilization after an apocalypse? Programmers. Cuz they always start from nothing!" Fortunately for him, the Reaper has a terrible sense of humor and Jester was revived at Barville. Zarkun builds personal robot cyborgs called the Zarkanes. With this, he spreads anti-empire messages through the sector and he gains a following. In an effort to build a war chest, he uses a weapons company as a front, selling subpar weaponry to the Empire. But, Zanon keeps a close eye on his operations. Orion attempted to cheat the system by forging a d16 dice. He was promptly with a mundane regular ol' die. Then he tried to use that same die on a roll. Pylons exploded in his face. He died. However, security in Hell was very lax so he managed to escape back into the world of the living with another body. Upon returning to the living realm, Orion transmute lead into gold and in the process, breaks the law of conservation of mass. He ends up with more gold than he started with lead. FegelKitteh plays DOTA. Xer summons a legion of bad###muthas who have some very special properties. Then Xer constructs a mage tower but that fails. So, he constructs a command center but he doesn't have enough minerals. Frustrated, he installs a cheat that gives him infinite minerals and it works! Blizzard's warden won't be catching him any time soon! The Return, The War, and something about an Apocalithp The Return of the Emperor This iteration of Roll 2 Dodge takes place in a star system known as Alko'halix. Independent from the rest of the Galactic Forum, this system is ruled over by a sovereign Emperor instead of the powers of the Gin'rall Deeschosh-1. Theoretically, it is still under the rule of the mighty Moderators and their god-king, Blizzard, but those beings have not visited here in centuries. The ultimate power in Alko'halix is an ethereal, supernatural body of governance known as the Celestial Court. These godlike beings rule over all the Roll 2 Dodge dimensions, and Alko'halix is no exception. Any player who breaks the rules, thinks they deserve a special bonus, has a complaint, or has been Utterly Screwed by random chance may take their case before the Court, where Judge Z, Executioner Smylez, and the AbaJuror will determine whether they deserve reparations... or a horrifying punishment for their insolence. The Celestial Court is the only entity in Roll 2 Dodge not affected by the Dice of Power. Ah, the Dice of Power! These sacred instruments roll themselves periodically to determine the fate of all. Whoever holds them will gain some form of power. The Emperor of Alko'halix commands the vast might of the Empire, including but not limited to plenty of black ops agents, a large standing army, and the nigh-indomitable battleship Aiur's Kitchen. His seat of power is the artificial city-moon of Barville, home of the sacred Bar. Once, Emperor Zanon ruled uncontested. While battling an ill-fated rebellion led by the sinister ZarKane, he met with the Immortal, who fried him with his plasma cannons. He has since returned from the grave to rule again, and may reassume the throne from his faithful servant LeKroger, who defended it until his master's return. Barville orbits the planet of Djo'e-Rais, a heavily-populated world that is home to the Senate of Alko'halix. it is ruled over by a President. President Thunderbama was defeated in an election by a roach named Cato the Elder, who late became God-Emperor of Djo'e-Rais and changed his name to Augustus Maximus Pontifex. He crushed a communist rebellion led by FegelKitteh, but inadvertently banished himself to the Plane of Cookies. Unperturbed, he lead an invasion of Djo'e-Rais at the head of an army of Man-Eating Cookies, wielding the power of the One Cookie. This so-called Knarled Lord Knaurlon was defeated by the efforts of one Voidwalker, who has since engaged in a terrible battle with the godlike FlCoDamThree. As they fought, a player was corrupted by the One Cookie's Power, becoming GolLumamaster. He now performs a dark ritual to return the Knarled Lord to life. Djo'e-Rais was home to Anthogyna, Goddess of Nature. She married the mortal Animus, then perished of heartbreak when he died, leading to dire famine. Emperor Zanon was able to find her spirit in the Underworld after death, and has returned her to the surface world. Marg Ar'itavil is the second planet in the Alko'halix system, and is home to many salt mines. The criminal CrymsonRaven was once sent to the mines as punishment, but led a slave rebellion and seized much of the planet. Thus far, the Empire has not seen fit to intervene. The Underworld is the residence of the spirits of the dead. All players who perish are sent here. Several coups have resulted in it changing rulership many times. It is home to Hundred-Handed-Ones, Demons, and currently the Knarled Lord, who is on the cusp of returning to the land of the living to assume his tyrannical rulership of Djo'e-Rais... and perhaps all Alko'halix. The War of the Cookie This iteration of Roll 2 Dodge takes place in a star system known as Alko'halix. Independent from the rest of the Galactic Forum, this system is ruled over by a sovereign Emperor instead of the powers of the Gin'rall Deeschosh-1. Theoretically, it is still under the rule of the mighty Moderators and their god-king, Blizzard, but those beings have not visited here in centuries. The ultimate power in Alko'halix is an ethereal, supernatural body of governance known as the Celestial Court. These godlike beings rule over all the Roll 2 Dodge dimensions, and Alko'halix is no exception. Any player who breaks the rules, thinks they deserve a special bonus, has a complaint, or has been Utterly Screwed by random chance may take their case before the Court, where Judge Z, Executioner Smylez, and the AbaJuror will determine whether they deserve reparations... or a horrifying punishment for their insolence. The Celestial Court is the only entity in Roll 2 Dodge not affected by the Dice of Power. Ah, the Dice of Power! These sacred instruments roll themselves periodically to determine the fate of all. Whoever holds them will gain some form of power. The Emperor of Alko'halix commands the vast might of the Empire, including but not limited to plenty of black ops agents, a large standing army, and the nigh-indomitable battleship Aiur's Kitchen. His seat of power is the artificial city-moon of Barville, home of the sacred Bar. Once, Emperor Zanon ruled uncontested. While battling an ill-fated rebellion led by the sinister ZarKane, he met with the Immortal, who fried him with his plasma cannons. He has since returned from the grave to rule again. His faithful servant LeKroger guarded the throne, and now the Once-Dead Emperor has returned to his former glory. Barville orbits the planet of Djo'e-Rais, a heavily-populated world that is home to the Senate of Alko'halix. it is ruled over by a President. President Thunderbama was defeated in an election by a roach named Cato the Elder, who late became God-Emperor of Djo'e-Rais and changed his name to Augustus Maximus Pontifex. He crushed a communist rebellion led by FegelKitteh, but inadvertently banished himself to the Plane of Cookies. Unperturbed, he lead an invasion of Djo'e-Rais at the head of an army of Man-Eating Cookies, wielding the power of the One Cookie. This so-called Knarled Lord Knaurlon was defeated by the efforts of one Voidwalker, who has since engaged in a terrible battle with the godlike FlCoDamThree. As they fought, a player was corrupted by the One Cookie's Power, becoming GolLumamaster. He performed a dark ritual, returning the Knarled Lord to life. He now seeks to conquer the land once more, using the might of his vile cookie creations. His masterpiece, the Atomic Fireball Cookie, was defeated, but nonetheless he continues his march of doom. Djo'e-Rais was home to Anthogyna, Goddess of Nature. She married the mortal Animus, then perished of heartbreak when he died, leading to dire famine. Emperor Zanon was able to find her spirit in the Underworld after death, and has returned her to the surface world. Marg Ar'itavil is the second planet in the Alko'halix system, and is home to many salt mines. The criminal CrymsonRaven was once sent to the mines as punishment, but led a slave rebellion and seized much of the planet. Thus far, the Empire has not seen fit to intervene. The Underworld is the residence of the spirits of the dead. All players who perish are sent here. Several coups have resulted in it changing rulership many times. It is home to Hundred-Handed-Ones, Demons, and other such monsters and unfortunate souls. Until recently, it was home to both Emperor Zanon and the Knarled Lord. Now both beings have returned - but do they come to save... or to destroy? Yeah, they're comin' to destroy. Thombie Apocalithp The following events take place in the star system of Alko'halix, a system far from the hustle and bustle of Jin'rall Deschosh-1. Once, it was ruled over by a benevolent Emperor, Zanon. A great war with ZarKane's Cyborg Legions and the Dread Cookie Hordes of the Knarled Lord Knaurlon reduced the system to a Dark Age. Years later, many factions have arisen from the ashes. The main world, Djo'e-Rais, is beset by swarms of the dead, all of whom are afflicted with terrifying speech impediments. The sinister Xer has taken control of a small portion of the undead horde, along with some survivors and wandering moldy cookies, and is performing experiments too horrific to contemplate. The former capital of the system, the space station-city of Barville, hangs in ruin above Djo'e-Rais' haunted landscape. However, inspiring broadcasts from the Glorious Emperor, who survived the Dark Age, have united the survivors, who rejoice as the mighty IFS Warfield bears their erstwhile leader home. The Knarled Lord has also reawakened. Unable to regain immediate control of his lost hordes, he has raised an army of Crumbwraiths from a population of hapless Space Muppets. Now he seeks to regain control of Djo'e-Rais. The planet of Marg Ar'itavil, once home to prosperous salt mines and a slave rebellion, has been abandoned after a devastating bombardment. Rebel leader CrymsonRaven, joined by mysterious warrior Kirathel, has relocated to an old mining station in the asteroid belt, from whence he runs his new organization: Sectorwatch, a union of bold heroes and mercenaries. Sectorwatch has allied with Emperor Zanon to fight a new threat: The Overmind, who commands his Ravenous Swarm from a previously undiscovered world at the system's edge. Lumamaster, trapped on that planet with him, has managed to survive despite the best efforts of the Zerg... but now the beast turn their gaze towards the rest of Alko'Halix. Ever since a failed attack on Lumamaster by ETPwnHome, Lord of the Dead, the denizens of the Underworld - resting place of the Dead - have been silent. Now ThisGuy has perished and sent to those shadowed halls... but what will he find? A new age of heroes has begun...